"Start wearin' purple....wearin' purple!"

At times I feel like my mind has taken off... without any hope of being caught. Shakespeare once said... "The greatest battle we ever fight is the one within our own minds." I find this to be very true, and very real within my own life. I have goals and desires... yet some times I feel that I have temporarily lost all control... I can not focus... I must just follow my subconscious desires and for a few minutes.. (or hours), give in to my mind by completely tuning out to others around me into a state of oblivion that all too often comes during an important conversation or stressful moment. I have come to believe that this tuning out habit I have is a gift, but must be bridled to only be let out at certain times. I I have also realized that perhaps it is some what of a defense mechanism... put in place when my mind is not sure where to go...when these moments of apprehensiveness come... my mind creates a new hiding spot within my subconscious.

Lately during these episodes of oblivion... (that so often annoy everyone else around me), my thoughts have been consumed with detailed thoughts of the past.. which then turn to what I'd would like to change and accomplish in the future. I have realized that I have so many interests and desires that it is nearly impossible for me to focus in on just one at a time. There are so many things that I want to learn and accomplish... the world is full of so much bad.... but even more good! Good opportunities... good people... and good ideas that one simply must take hold of and do something about! Here is a list of things that I love...that most people have no clue about....

Photography... I love to take pictures.. I have them all backed up on my computer... edited and dated... yet few have ever seen them. It is simply expression to me... I don't want to compete with EVERYONE who seems they are attempting to become the next best photographer... I simply want to document the BEAUTIFUL things I see in everyday life!

Crafts... creating all kinds of random crafts with the art supplies and old fabrics I have accumulated from semester to semester. Frankly, as much as I feel like an idiot admitting this.. I truly believe that these creations are beautiful... visionary... and that many people would be willing to buy them. My friend Rachel and I are secretly beginning to put our combined artsy ideas on eBay...for our new business scheme... "DirtyRock," which we will be really jumping on during our trip to Europe in January 2010.

Painting.. Most people know about this love of mine... however what most people don't know is that the reason I love it is not because of the outcome of the painting... which is all too often disappointing to me... as an art perfectionist. What I love most is the feeling of paintbrush, full of paint, smoothly gliding across the canvas. I could play in colorful pain all day long.. simply brushing it on.. whether making a distinct design or not. There is something that feels pure, relaxing, and trust worthy about knowing that the paintbrush will do exactly what your mind tells it to do..some what similar to the life we live..the only thing we have control over is the actions we take, yet we do not know exactly what the outcome will look like once it is layed down next to the previous steps and choices (brush strokes, and colors), we have made previously. We must simply let life fold out... after taking the time to make wise decisions.

I love music. I love nothing more than finding a new favorite song that moves my heart and inspires me... and listening to it literally hundreds of times in a row. Some people might find this boring, or repetitive... but I find it exhilarating. I feel that music is becoming part of who I am. The most recent song discovery is 'O Come, O Come Emanuel,' by Trace Bundy and Jason Garrells. Check it out... FABULOUS!

I love driving in my car... with my favorite music on... my car at the perfect temperature, utterly alone... until I get completely lost. Preferably at sunset.

I LOVE to get in my bed in the afternoon after a long day at school and listen to music on my laptop while checking my emails and facebook.

I LOVE to confront people. Mainly when they deserve it... or when think that they have the license to be rude to those who can't help their circumstance and do NOT deserve it at all. The pleasure that I find in putting idiots in their place is wrong, bratty, and very immature. Nevertheless.. it is a guilty pleasure, something I love, and something I truly believe needs to be done to all of us every once in a while to keep us humble. It is especially needed when others cannot stand up for themselves. When I'm helping someone else let their voice be heard is when I truly feel it is worth it... and not uncalled for.

I love to clean other people's kitchens. I can't keep my house clean to save my life... but cleaning other people's junk up into pristine perfection inspires me to no end.

I love the idea of becoming a Doctor, a Psychologist, a Mom, an Interior Designer, a Photo journalist, a TV anchor, a Marathon Runner, a business woman, and a Hippie.

I Love to Run... but only about a mile at a time. I have no stamina.... but I am addicted to the adrenaline that comes after nearly dying on the last stretch of my work out... the clarity and perspective that comes to me concerning my lives decisions and the next step I should take in order to be a successful individual is absolutely wonderful.

I love awkward situations. I love to make awkward situations for other people... and I love to try and find my own way out of the ones I find myself in. Very strange, and very mean I know.

There are so many more things I could list... but I won't. Otherwise this blog could last for days. As a whole... sometimes it's worth our while to stop and appreciate the small things we love in our day to day lives instead of always just waiting for the big 'life changing' events to occur. Some times it's absolutely necessary to let out minds wonder into oblivion.. into a our secret thoughts and desires... and think about a way to make all of our loves and desires a reality!

PS. I just got sent a contract from Sophie Montaye in Paris, France to be her nanny. I am now trying to decide between the Montaye's, and two other Spanish families from Madrid. All adorable kids, all awesome locations... who do I choose?!?!?!